Sep. 4th, 2017

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 What's bad is I can't tell if it's depression or I just work too damn hard at my job. 

I've had this weekend off, through today. Since, as my previous post detailed, I've physically not had the best summer, I've let things go to the point of weeds growing around my house (luckily it's been near draught this summer so when I couldn't mow the lawn I didn't need to) a bar stool lying on the floor because it broke and I haven't gotten a new one, cat litter tracked everywhere (I swear that damn shit has wings) and just general, "Hey, I'll leave that thing there because insert-bullshit-reason-here."

So what have I done with my previous 2 days off? Well, I did write a post in here, so I guess that's one effort toward something I've been thinking about getting back to - journal writing. I also did my dishes yesterday because I had only 1 clean plate and 2 bowls left, but no clean forks or spoons. I also picked up the living room, various papers and trash that I'd left sitting. I cleaned the cat litter boxes, but I am pretty good about that because if I leave them go for more than 3 days in the summer they stink. 

I had plans. I always have plans. I even bought a date book during back to school when the choices of such items are myriad and I particularly like the 18 month ones which start with the fall school year and go through the whole of the following year. Believe it or not, I found the perfect one at TJ Maxx for $2 cheaper than the one I initially bought at Big Lots. 

It's executing those plans which gets roadblocked. Damn internet induced endorphins. I love Twitter, but it's a black hole of a time waster. And I follow more friends on Facebroke now so there's always something new there too. 

My excuse has always been that work wears me out so when I have time off, I want to vedge - is that not a word or am I just spelling it wrong? "To be a vegetable." I'm not a couch potato per se, I didn't binge any shows since Defenders the other week and even then I tend to only do 2-3 episodes at a time. But I sense that just not caring about whether things get done has a side dish of depression to it. 

I've also not been caring about spending money lately, which for me is part of that the not caring thing as a whole. Not that I have a spending problem, I don't think I do, but I have a $600 balance on the card I always pay off every month and a medical bill I still don't know the extent of because medical things are the one service we don't get an estimate for before it occurs and health insurance is not reliable to pay what it should, so I shouldn't be spending $80 at Aldi's like I did Saturday. On the card I bought a latex mattress topper, which I needed and my Sirius XM radio bill came due, so that's the majority of the bill plus it's my gas card and I did quite a bit of traveling in July, so that's on the bill due this month also. I already paid my hotel bills though.

Writing in here isn't getting anything done either, but I'm already further ahead this morning than the past 2 days as it's only going on 9:30 and I have a load of laundry in the dryer and my washed dishes put away, as well as trash bagged up and the chickens and the whiny cat fed. The other 2 don't whine for food, so they get fed when I remember to feed to them. 




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