stupid inner voices
Jul. 25th, 2010 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
finding_neoI had pretty much a lousy childhood. Sure, like anyone, parts of it were wonderful and I wouldn't change those, but I could have used a new set of parents, especially the father one.
It's difficult growing up as the child of a perfectionist. Nothing you do is ever good enough. So in my middle age sometimes I just stop doing things because somewhere in the back of my mind I think I'm not good enough - why bother. Unless forced to do something. Then the voice that at one time was my father's seems to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
While mowing the lawn I accidently ran over a hose, cutting it in two. Normally not a huge deal, dang, I have to get another one. But since we've been having the second coming of Moses here my cellar floods every time it rains more than an inch. The sump pump is not an in ground one hooked up to drain in to the sewer system, I have to run a hose outside. That was the hose I ran over. And since we received probably 3" of rain yesterday after the 5" of rain last week there's another 8" of water down there which takes a good 8 hours to pump out at 1000 gallons an hour. It took 3 days of intermittent pumping to get all the water out last week.
What should have been a 15 minute fix involving switching hoses took me over an hour with much swearing and flailing. I was already angry about running over the hose, "How could I be so stupid," so when I realized I had fed the wrong end of the replacement hose through the exit hole and could not screw that end on to the sump pump I felt the prophecy rear its ugly head.
Of course, I knew how the hose had to go on the sump pump and that the only way I could do it was to feed it through the exit hole to the outside (the end which goes on the pump won't go through the exit hole) - I even laid the hose outside the cellar after I rolled it up. But before I went down I thought, "Oh, I can just feed it through from the outside." Almost like some little gremlin took over my brain and *made* me screw up!!!
I had to go back outside and roll up the 50' hose to carry down in to the cellar, stomping through 8" of water and trying not to get the hose in it because I had to feed the entire length of the hose out the exit hole.
I had even gone to all the trouble of getting a second hose that I use at the outside hydrant, laying it out and hooking it up to the hose I needed to hook on to the sump pump before I realized my mistake of having the wrong ends. And once I finally got it rearranged I also realized I could still use the hose I had cut in two. So I hadn't needed to go to all the trouble of getting the hydrant hose, which is heavier and unwieldy. I use 2 hoses to get the water draining as far away form the house as possible. Luckily I'm in the middle of farm fields, so there's a ditch near my garden which goes in to the soybean field behind my house, but I still need about 100 feet of hose to do that.
I did get it accomplished and everything works well. I at least salvaged the cut hose so my stupidity won't cost me more money. Unless I need a third hose for something else.
It's difficult growing up as the child of a perfectionist. Nothing you do is ever good enough. So in my middle age sometimes I just stop doing things because somewhere in the back of my mind I think I'm not good enough - why bother. Unless forced to do something. Then the voice that at one time was my father's seems to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
While mowing the lawn I accidently ran over a hose, cutting it in two. Normally not a huge deal, dang, I have to get another one. But since we've been having the second coming of Moses here my cellar floods every time it rains more than an inch. The sump pump is not an in ground one hooked up to drain in to the sewer system, I have to run a hose outside. That was the hose I ran over. And since we received probably 3" of rain yesterday after the 5" of rain last week there's another 8" of water down there which takes a good 8 hours to pump out at 1000 gallons an hour. It took 3 days of intermittent pumping to get all the water out last week.
What should have been a 15 minute fix involving switching hoses took me over an hour with much swearing and flailing. I was already angry about running over the hose, "How could I be so stupid," so when I realized I had fed the wrong end of the replacement hose through the exit hole and could not screw that end on to the sump pump I felt the prophecy rear its ugly head.
Of course, I knew how the hose had to go on the sump pump and that the only way I could do it was to feed it through the exit hole to the outside (the end which goes on the pump won't go through the exit hole) - I even laid the hose outside the cellar after I rolled it up. But before I went down I thought, "Oh, I can just feed it through from the outside." Almost like some little gremlin took over my brain and *made* me screw up!!!
I had to go back outside and roll up the 50' hose to carry down in to the cellar, stomping through 8" of water and trying not to get the hose in it because I had to feed the entire length of the hose out the exit hole.
I had even gone to all the trouble of getting a second hose that I use at the outside hydrant, laying it out and hooking it up to the hose I needed to hook on to the sump pump before I realized my mistake of having the wrong ends. And once I finally got it rearranged I also realized I could still use the hose I had cut in two. So I hadn't needed to go to all the trouble of getting the hydrant hose, which is heavier and unwieldy. I use 2 hoses to get the water draining as far away form the house as possible. Luckily I'm in the middle of farm fields, so there's a ditch near my garden which goes in to the soybean field behind my house, but I still need about 100 feet of hose to do that.
I did get it accomplished and everything works well. I at least salvaged the cut hose so my stupidity won't cost me more money. Unless I need a third hose for something else.
