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 Not really, but I've been having quite a bit of problem with my neck lately. Several years ago, 8-10, I probably had disc problems start, I couldn't look up, it felt like something was catching when I did. I got an orthopedic pillow and that helped a lot. Movement returned to normal. 

When I'm experiencing problems now I wake up in the night with my fingers or hands numb. It is not the kind of sleep numbness like you've cut off the blood supply because if I move, it almost immediately goes away and there's no tingling. This only bothers me in bed, during the day I might occasionally feel a sensation in my hands, but it's not the same nor as bad.

I probably need a new pillow. I rotate between 2 and I fluff them up in the dryer, but the last time I bought one, from the same company I've gotten it for years, it was made differently and really horrible, so I'm hesitant to buy another from them, although the picture looks exactly the same as the ones I'd been getting. 

The problem I'm having now started with a stiff muscle in the right side of my neck. Now I can't sleep on my left side fully without that muscle hurting and feeling like it's going to shoot my head off my shoulders! There's a massage place at our mall I've thought about using but it's expensive - $40 for 20 minutes. Maybe it's cheaper if they focus on one area and not the whole back. I try to do some yoga at home and that helps, but I'm not very good at maintaining a schedule of that, so this morning, for example, I didn't have a good night and it's bothering me again. Yesterday I felt sleepy all day, so I'm wondering if the neck problem is preventing me from deep sleeping. 

I'm probably going to need to go back to the dentist. I'm having cold sensitivity now in one of my teeth which at my last exam the dentist said needed a filling. The office I go to has gone through some changes since then. The dentist I'd been seeing left, the previous dentist who was also owner returned. One of my employees started going there and the owner dentist did a filling which caused my employee all kinds of problems. They pissed him off so badly between messing up his insurance and the bad filling he doesn't want to return. The new dentist is a younger guy and probably would do a good job, but they were so backed up with appointments because the owner dentist messed up so many patients the new dentist did nothing but fix those problems the first months he was there. 

Juts whining this morning. I need to get off here and do some yoga!

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 My employer has gone from a quarterly sales bonus to a monthly one. It increases your odds of making a bonus for sure. So far, we've made sales the past 2 months. While I expect them at some point to start raising the bar we need to achieve each month in order to bonus, it's a nice consideration, especially since making sales has been a lofty goal. We made our sales for August by $35. While I'm the only staff member who gets a reward for sales, my staff is more conscious of how we're doing for the month, because it's a shorter time period to consider.
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I started taking a powdered magnesium supplement last week, right after my vacation. Perfect timing. It is supposed to be a stress reliever. I first heard about it from my friend Patti who posted about it on Facebook regarding it as a sleep aid because it relaxes your muscles.

I don't need the sleep aid part. I've only ever had one troubled sleeping period and that was over 10 years ago when I had the most stressful job of my life and I was having panic attacks over it. I would go to bed then wake up at 2AM, 3AM, often 5AM and not be able to go back to sleep.

Magnesium has been getting some press on the internet health sites like Dr. Mercola. I had been taking a pill form, but learned it's not easily absorbed that way, so got the powder from trusty I love iHerb. If you need any supplements, go there. Here's a discount

I've been using it a little over a week now and I can attest to its stress relieving prowess. And because my brain is less cluttered with a bunch of anxiety nonsense, it now has enthused me to do all the things. I started cleaning my cat room, which isn't as much of a cat room as it was because I moved the big cat tree into the living room a while back, but it's on the south side of the house, so the cats like it in there because they get lots of sun.

Unfortunately because of that, a lot of the things I have in there, my entire LP collection for one, have faded. Not much I can do about it now. I also haven't cleaned in there for a while and being in amongst the corn fields here in podunk nowhere means there's a lot of dust. It's not as bad as I anticipated but dust plus cat hair, well you can imagine. I spent last evening wiping dust and picking cat hair off my Matrix action figures. Never allow your action figure displays to get cat hair on them, it's a nightmare. Too many nooks and crannies.

I cleaned off my old stereo and started playing LPs again. Sadly, my now nearly 30 year old system isn't up to par anymore and the speakers don't respond well to certain music. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Replacing anything requires a tidy sum which I don't have, especially after getting my $1600 medical bill in the mail this week. That's another post though but at least I'm not stressing about it. LOL

Now the battle will be keeping up with what's been cleaned. I notice it's far too easy to just lay something down instead of making a decision about what to do with it right then. Mail is one thing I do that with, also paperwork that needs filed. Even empty snack bags are left sitting for a few days before they get thrown away. If I can manage to keep those things under control, I'll be winning a small battle.

One caution about magnesium is that it can cause diarrhea if too much is taken. That's why the powder is nice to start because you can use a 1/4 teaspoon and see how you do with it. I mix a half teaspoon now in 16 oz of water and take that twice a day and it does not bother me.
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 Have to go back to work tomorrow.

Today is my last opportunity to do ALL the things I didn't do over the previous week. The sun is out, it's going to be hot (which I love) and I just made an omelet in my new ceramic fry pan. 

I'm not beating myself up for not doing more - NO VACANCY, dammit. I didn't spend a lot of money, and what I did buy I needed, the pan, new pants, some socks, gifts for my friend. Last vacation in July I spent a fair bit of money between concerts and hotels plus I had the whole there's-something-wrong-with-my-boob-and-I-need-to-get-to-the-doctor thing going on in my head, so I wasn't as present for the experiences as I could have been. 

I actually miss the structure of going to work every week. This morning it's already 9:30 and I'm just now eating breakfast. I have already started a load of laundry though, so that's something. Last night I cleaned the cat box area, to help me get started this morning on cleaning the room as a whole. 

That was this morning. Now it's going on 3:30, I have 4% battery life left after watching Falling Skies while I cleaned. Have all 3 rooms done and only have to put back the furniture, LOL. Have to wait till the carpet dries, but since the air is on hopefully that will be before I need to go to bed. 

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Apparently the director of the newest Kingsmen movie, Matthew Vaughn, is an asshat and decided it would be cool to show the main character digitally implanting a device in a woman's vagina. And by "digitally" I don't mean with a computer.

I considered seeing this tomorrow, but now I'll pass.

I guess I typically don't think very hard while viewing movies, because when I read the description of an egregious scene in the first Kingsmen movie, which I enjoyed as a whole and understood to be more or less a send-up of the Bond movies, my response is, "Well, that was unnecessary," but at the time while viewing the movie, I gave it a pass and probably thought it was funny or maybe even took it as the director intended. Behind a pay wall, unless you register, but you can register for free

Perhaps that is also decades of male conditioning - that women are often objects for male pleasure or, as the article states, a prize for a man's achievements, that's just how it is, so have another.

I guess I need to be a better "bloody feminist."
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 Since yesterday was a bust, I needed some retail therapy. 

No not really. I just needed to buy shit. 

I had to stop at the vet clinic and pick up a refill of Murrlin's blood pressure meds. I learned that Maria, the receptionist I love, is moving out of state because her husband got a new job. Bummer. She's always such a cheery person, as evidenced when she said she's looking forward to the move, which is closer to St. Louis, the O'Fallon area. A lot of people would be dreading such a thing, but not Maria. Will miss her greatly. I hope they continue to have competent receptionists. It's a complicated field. 

I found a recipe for persimmon fudge online yesterday and needed to get marshmallow cream and condensed milk for it. At Aldi's I realized I didn't remember how much cream I needed so I had to get 2. And I hope I have vanilla because I forgot that too. I didn't get nuts, but I'd like to make it without the walnuts first time around to see if it's worth spending nearly $6 on the nuts. 

The other day I discovered one of my favorite pair of jeans is getting threadbare in the crotch. They ALL do eventually. Since I climb ladders and am fairly active at work I don't want to take the chance on ripping a hole in the nether region of my pants, so I went to Kohl's for a new pair, hoping to find the same style. 

I must have been fooling myself. These pants are less than 1 year old and do you think they have the exact same style still? No, of course not, you silly goose. Thus began the try-on-every-pair-in-my-size-to-find-ONE-that-fits-somewhat endeavor. 

First I had to do the try-to-find-one-in-my-size search. I wanted to try on a 4, but I need "short." Were there ANY 4's in "short?" Of course not. And the so-called medium must be meant for those with legs like giraffes. My whole foot would still be concealed in those.

I finally found 3 pairs in size 6 "short." In the dressing room I discovered one pair DID NOT EVEN ZIP IN THE FRONT. Nor in the back, nor anywhere. They were "slip-on" jeans. WTF??? That is a thing now? Who in size 6 has the body for that? If I bend over, I'm flashing crack, people! And no, they were not "jeggings," they were blue jeans, they had pockets, but there weren't even belt loops. I ripped those suckers off. Bad enough I forgot to put a belt on today and had to hike my zippered jeans up every time I got out of the car.

Of course the most expensive pair were the pair which fit the best. These ripped-in-the-thigh-look jeans were $48, on sale for $39.99. I don't understand how the same manufacturer can have different styles of jeans in the same size and they fit so differently. I am partial to Lee's because they fit really well, when they fit, so I tried on a pair of 6 "short" Levis (took me a bit to find those too) but they were like a size 8 on me. I'm sticking with Lee and yes, paying $40. I have to be comfortable in my pants. This is why my closet is full of jeans which I now only wear at home because between losing 10 pounds since last winter and body fat shifting to my gut, I have so many pair which gap in the waist or are too tight in the waist, but gap in the butt or the thigh now, plus skinny jeans are really in and I have always liked that style better, so anything bootcut looks like mom-jeans to me. I might be over 50, but I'm not a mom. I don't need big-in-the-butt nor highwaisted pants. I think there's only 1 lady on a TV show that wears those now anyway. Someone should tell Kohl's that. 

Did you know high-waisted is a style again????? Especially in shorts. Whoever decided that did not live through the '80s. 

I think it's safe to say that every woman of every size (because I guarantee you the men don't have this much trouble or styles to choose from, they'd never tolerate it) now has a bitch of a time finding pants that fit. There is no standard of numbered size any more. There might as well just be small, medium, large, XL, 2X, 3X, etc. There are so many different descriptions of style that are not really a style but a "fit." The jeans I bought (for $40, the most I've EVER paid for pants that weren't for a special occasion) are "part jean, part dream" (huh?), "skinny leg," "modern series," midrise fit skinny," "close in the seat and thigh." Those are ALL terms used on the tags and inside the waist band to describe these pants!! 

When all I really wanted were jeans-that-fit....

I found some socks to get me my $10 Kohl's cash, but what the heck I'm going to spend it on next week I have no idea because I didn't like any of the plaid flannel shirt patterns they had, and the colors I did like were only in the plus sizes (nice selection for the plus sized ladies, just FYI) which was the only other thing I wanted while I was there. All the other tops they had were so thin. I believe in climate change, but it's not going to be that warm this winter. 

Last but not least, did you know that Lowe's doesn't carry colored duct tape? Even Wal-Mart carries colored duct tape, but they were out of the color I wanted. 

All-in-all it was a good trip. I managed to make it through Kohl's AND TJ Maxx's checkouts without buying some chocolate or chips or whatever else they cram the register areas full of now. I did get me a $3 bottle of pinot grigio at Aldi's though ;)


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 Not even sure what happened today. I felt like I needed a nap from the moment I got up, so I didn't do anything productive all morning. That I'll blame on low iron from my heavy period that started Sunday, something else no one tells you about peri-menopause. Then this afternoon I began having excruciating upper stomach cramps, like legit muscle cramps but up under my ribs. I looked up diaphragm cramps and got nowhere and various other versions of same. I took some Gas-X type stuff, thinking it was gas cramps, but they would not go away. I couldn't stand up straight, it was like a charlie horse in my gut! Hurt like hell, but it didn't feel like anything I needed to get myself to a hospital for, no shortness of breath, just these god-awful cramps like some muscle trying to twist itself. Lasted over an hour. I drank some water because if it's gall bladder related, that's supposed to help. I searched some more - damn, people ask the craziest shit on those medical answer sites - and came across stomach cramps being caused by certain foods and one of them listed was popcorn. I had eaten at least 2 cups, if not 3, of white cheddar popcorn earlier in the afternoon, as I didn't have lunch and by 2PM was hungry. Who knew? 

So no more of that! I laid down and after a good belch (which I'd been doing off and on without relief) finally felt better, so I don't really know what the hell, but at least I'm not sore. It hurt so much like a muscle cramp I was afraid I was going to feel like I'd done 50 sit-ups when it was over. 

How was your day? LOL



Sep. 19th, 2017 09:07 am
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 I steam cleaned my living room carpet yesterday with my new steam cleaner. The old one (at least 10 yrs) broke earlier this year so I've put off getting a new one (and carpet cleaning) all summer. One room down, 3 to go, if I do them all, but the cat room just needs a good vacuuming unless I find puke spots under the papasan chair. 

This may not seem like a big deal to others, but it is to me. I put off things like nobody's business. I usually do my carpet steam clean once in the spring and once in the fall. So yeah, a house with 3 cats and I haven't steam cleaned my carpet since last fall. I had been spot cleaning the messes, but then the cleaner broke, so it's just dry them up with a paper towel. Those of you with pets know what I mean. 

I also cleaned my kitchen counters yesterday because there was a spier by the sink and in order to kill it, I had to take everything off, so I was like, what the hell? That's what it takes for me to clean something. I need the help of spiders. At least they're good for something.

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I should feel like I just went on a spending spree when I pay my credit card bills. 

I just had to pay part of the one I always pay off each month out of my savings. 

It was either that or transfer the balance to another card offering interest free for 18 months with a 2% fee.

Yesterday I spent $170 on a new steam cleaner. 

I still need a new door this fall to replace the one the raccoons tore up trying to get to my bird seed, which has been sitting inside my house all summer drawing pantry moths. So I had to order some moth traps from Amazon.

Spending money never fucking ends. 


Sep. 14th, 2017 12:19 pm
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As those of us fraught with anxiety most days tend to do, I have recently been plagued by intrusive thoughts regarding situations involving the behavior of others. 

Then I read a version of this:

The particular quote was a little more involved with a broader explanation, so it resonated more with me because the people taking up head or thought space are not always toxic yet sometimes their behavior is vexing, to say the least, and I dwell on how to deal with them. Those thoughts take up an awful lot of headspace for me.

Frankly it makes me miserable.

So when I saw the quote it immediately brought to mind the neon sign "NO VACANCY." 

For me it means "There is No Vacancy here. Aggravating thoughts - go away." I used it as a mantra last weekend, reminding myself that there is no vacancy in my head for this situation and by Monday, I felt much better not only about the situation that was plaguing me, but pretty much about everything. Preventing myself from dwelling on intrusive thoughts opened my mind to other more pleasant things and allowed me to fucking breathe.

The really crazy thing is that yesterday I had to deal with the person involved in the situation and I found myself able to make the day a pleasant experience. Perhaps whatever had been bothering them or their own anxiety had dissipated enough that they no longer felt animosity toward me also so nothing was said or done to aggravate the rift that had developed. I also realistically considered that I only needed to spend 4 hours with them, I can surely be civil during that small amount of time, something I rarely considered while I otherwise spent probably countless hours trying to process how I would deal with them when I again had no choice but to do so. 

It's difficult to remember whole quotes, so if the quote above resonates, this condensed idea might be helpful - by all means try it. 

I find the whole idea of "Think positive thoughts and you will be positive," a crock of bullshit. Anxiety just makes me respond with, "Why can't I think more positive?!" I can't automatically make my intrusive thoughts more positive, I need a signpost that plants itself and over-writes the thoughts as a whole. "No Vacancy" did that for me. It helped me dilute the anxiety that the situation had caused. Less anxiety helped me be more positive. 

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 What's bad is I can't tell if it's depression or I just work too damn hard at my job. 

I've had this weekend off, through today. Since, as my previous post detailed, I've physically not had the best summer, I've let things go to the point of weeds growing around my house (luckily it's been near draught this summer so when I couldn't mow the lawn I didn't need to) a bar stool lying on the floor because it broke and I haven't gotten a new one, cat litter tracked everywhere (I swear that damn shit has wings) and just general, "Hey, I'll leave that thing there because insert-bullshit-reason-here."

So what have I done with my previous 2 days off? Well, I did write a post in here, so I guess that's one effort toward something I've been thinking about getting back to - journal writing. I also did my dishes yesterday because I had only 1 clean plate and 2 bowls left, but no clean forks or spoons. I also picked up the living room, various papers and trash that I'd left sitting. I cleaned the cat litter boxes, but I am pretty good about that because if I leave them go for more than 3 days in the summer they stink. 

I had plans. I always have plans. I even bought a date book during back to school when the choices of such items are myriad and I particularly like the 18 month ones which start with the fall school year and go through the whole of the following year. Believe it or not, I found the perfect one at TJ Maxx for $2 cheaper than the one I initially bought at Big Lots. 

It's executing those plans which gets roadblocked. Damn internet induced endorphins. I love Twitter, but it's a black hole of a time waster. And I follow more friends on Facebroke now so there's always something new there too. 

My excuse has always been that work wears me out so when I have time off, I want to vedge - is that not a word or am I just spelling it wrong? "To be a vegetable." I'm not a couch potato per se, I didn't binge any shows since Defenders the other week and even then I tend to only do 2-3 episodes at a time. But I sense that just not caring about whether things get done has a side dish of depression to it. 

I've also not been caring about spending money lately, which for me is part of that the not caring thing as a whole. Not that I have a spending problem, I don't think I do, but I have a $600 balance on the card I always pay off every month and a medical bill I still don't know the extent of because medical things are the one service we don't get an estimate for before it occurs and health insurance is not reliable to pay what it should, so I shouldn't be spending $80 at Aldi's like I did Saturday. On the card I bought a latex mattress topper, which I needed and my Sirius XM radio bill came due, so that's the majority of the bill plus it's my gas card and I did quite a bit of traveling in July, so that's on the bill due this month also. I already paid my hotel bills though.

Writing in here isn't getting anything done either, but I'm already further ahead this morning than the past 2 days as it's only going on 9:30 and I have a load of laundry in the dryer and my washed dishes put away, as well as trash bagged up and the chickens and the whiny cat fed. The other 2 don't whine for food, so they get fed when I remember to feed to them. 



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This has been a bit of a summer. Now that it's meteorologically fall, I am trying to put summer '17 behind me, although I feel like it never got its deserved due. 

Read more... )


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I found a scratch on the back of my shoulder. 
I don't know how it got there. 
Yes, I pick up my cats and yes they have their claws. 
But I wear clothes when I pick up my cats. Plus
Being winter I wear 3 layers of clothes in my house.
67 degrees is only comfortable outside without 3 layers of clothes.
I wear a loose T-shirt for sleepwear. 
Highly probable I scratch myself in my sleep.

This concludes today's unexpected poetic revelation.

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Just a quick blurb to keep this journal viable because LJ has seen better days and apparently been hacked by the Russians from what I hear, in their continuing effort to take over the US - not funny, I know. 

If I have recently followed you, feel free to follow back. I can't promise much, but one always has to keep their options open and seek alternatives. 

Read this

Jun. 12th, 2012 10:12 pm
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And we have a "liberal" media???
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Heed the last paragraph: " But with their analysis moving into areas as sensitive as pregnancy, and so accurately, who knows how else they might start profiling Target shoppers? The store’s bulls-eye logo may now send a little shiver of fear down the closely-watched spines of some, though I can promise you that Target is not the only store doing this. Those people chilled by stores’ tracking and profiling them may want to consider going the way of the common criminal — and paying for far more of their purchases in cash."

Another way to prevent them lumping you in to a demographic is to not give an email or phone number when the cashier asks. Even if you're on a do-not-call list, if you have done business with a company in any form and they have your phone number, they can call you.

The only time I use my email with a company is if they offer a reward card and all they do is sell you food. I have cards to both Starbucks and Panera bread Company and don't mind if they have my email 'cause they send me coupons and free stuff! I suppose some people might think the same thing about Target sending expectant mothers coupons, but as the story illustrates, it boarders on invasion of privacy to collect data which leads to an assumption about an individual. The offers I get from Starbucks and PBC are benign and don't seem linked to my buying habits or I would only receive coupons for Italian Roast and venti Cafe Mochas! 

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 For some reason after I pasted that in, I couldn't add anything following the copy.

So. Paypal and Ebay basically have grasped sellers by the balls even harder, or tits, depending on your gender. If you want your money you have to use THEIR services which will cost you more than it would if you actually took valuable time out of your day and physically went to the post office. 2 items I shipped recently would have cost me nearly $2.00 each via Ebay/Paypal shipping function, when the actual USPS cost was 84 cents! Reason being that the USPS actually can charge you by the tenth of an ounce now, but the Ebay shipping function only lets you choose whole ounces. Also, if your package meets certain size restrictions, you can mail it cheaper. 

Of course they use their line about ensuring buyers get their items in a timely manner, rather than that age old truth-be-told "profit" motive. 

Selling on Ebay used to be fun. I've been selling and buying on Ebay since 1999. Maybe even '98. Yet I don't have enough of a selling history apparently to see that I receive my money in a timely manner. 

No wonder HP wants the ex-Ebay CEO, Meg Whitman, as their CEO. 

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 I find this extremely aggravating:

PayPal is committed to helping encourage fast shipping and consistent customer service from sellers so that buyers have a great experience when they shop. As part of this effort, for some eBay sellers who are establishing a successful selling history, funds from their eBay sales will be pending in their PayPal account for up to 21 days before the funds become available. This applies to items listed and sold on,, and

Ship to Fund
Your item sells on eBay
The Buyer pays you via PayPal
The money is in your PayPal account’s pending balance.
You ship the item to the Buyer.
The buyer gets their order and has some time to review it.
Funds are available in 21 days or sooner, as long as your buyer doesn’t report an issue.

Why aren’t my funds available as soon as my buyers pay?

Here are the most common reasons why:

  • You have a Below Standard seller rating on eBay
  • You have a limited selling history on eBay, which means that any of the following are true:
    1. It’s been 90 days or less since your first successful sale on eBay, or
    2. You’ve made 25 or fewer sales transactions on eBay, or
    3. You’ve sold $250 or less on eBay
  • We believe there may be a high level of risk associated with your account or your transactions. This can include risk that your account will have a higher number of eBay Buyer Protection cases, PayPal disputes, PayPal claims, buyer chargebacks or other reversals.

What can I do to help get my funds more quickly?

Typically, you’ll get funds in 21 days – even sooner if you follow good shipping practices:

  • If you print shipping labels through eBay or PayPal, funds should be available 3 days after we can confirm that the order was delivered. Your tracking information uploads automatically, and you’ll get funds to help cover shipping, too.*
  • If you ship directly using USPS, UPS or FedEx and manually enter shipment tracking information on eBay or the PayPal Transaction Details page, funds should be available 3 days after we can confirm that the order was delivered.
  • If you mark the item as shipped in My eBay but don’t upload tracking information, funds should be available 7 days after your latest estimated delivery date OR
  • If you don’t provide tracking information, mark the item as shipped, or the estimated delivery date cannot be calculated, funds should be available in 21 days.

Please keep in mind that it may take longer to get funds if your buyer reports a problem.

At what point will my funds be available as soon as my buyers pay?

The best ways to get funds immediately are to establish a successful history of selling on eBay and achieve and maintain eBay’s Standard, Above Standard or eBay Top-rated seller status by consistently satisfying your customers.

In most cases, eBay sellers with an established selling history and Standard or Above Standard performance rating in their eBay seller dashboard, or who are eBay Top-rated sellers, aren’t affected and will receive funds when a buyer pays.

*Certain restrictions may apply